Staring deeply into your eyes, he whispers…

“Vhat do you vant to do in life ?”

This is when the Dracula movie music screeches to a halt mimicking your mind…screeching to a halt.

Here’s the thing: I don’t know about you, but when someone asks me that question (in human speak as opposed to the stereotypical vampire speak) my mind does a facepalm and walks away, leaving me to blink rather stupidly before I answer my practiced answer.

Don’t get me wrong though, I have made some progress. From being completely clueless with just knowing I wanted to do *something*, I passed through a period where I was quite certain of what I *really* wanted to do to this point in time when I’m back to being a little unsure again. That’s fine I suppose. As time passes, we change and as we change our dreams , wants and needs may change as well.

I’m still a little uncomfortable when someone throws the question at me because as I’m answering them with this list of what I want to do, there is this feeling of…I don’t really know how to describe it, it’s like this feeling of…”Uhm…am I sure?” Basically it was a feeling of a lack of conviction!

In books that I’ve read, in talks I’ve listened to, in conversations, in classes we are always asked, “What do you want in your life?” or “What are your passions?” or “What brings you joy?”. I’ll be honest…when I used to encounter these sorts of questions it would give me a headache. Dragging my mind back from the closet, kicking and screaming to help me figure it out was really quite a painful experience. Trying to center myself within my heart center to get some sort of guidance usually ended up with “hearing crickets in the stillness”.

It doesn’t happen with me alone. I have some friends who are the same. They know that deep within us, in our hearts, we know what we want, but to tap into it is difficult. It’s like trying to drill through a rock of fears, doubts, logic, responsibilities, expectations and perceptions with a tiny hand-held drill!

I mean, since we were children we’ve been programmed  to do the expected, the norm, to “toe the line”; compared to those who were “better than us”, to study hard, to become professionals, that we need to get “real jobs”. Well, that was usually the case in Indian families…in Malaysia when I was growing up. It was like this cultural / racial stereotype  for example Indian children were expected to become Doctors, Lawyers, Engineers, Science or Maths teachers; and Chinese children were expected to manage the family business or work in some sort of industry. So, imagine growing up into adulthood and at the age of 40 being someone who isn’t sure of who they really are, or what they really want in life, or what brings them joy, because it’s hidden under all that muck!

On a Sunday in the beginning of this month, I organized a little get together with some friends to do some “boost me up” activity. Basically it was to revisit the activities we did during an Anne Jones workshop and get motivated in living our dreams. Sometimes it’s a good idea because it acts like charging batteries… Anyways, it turns out that most couldn’t make it except one so it was a party for two that morning.

While having a chat with her, before we started with the activity, it suddenly occurred to me that we are so used to looking at things in a negative way that we hardly see the positive, unless it’s something quite profound and this is even more so when it is about ourselves. In fact, if we were asked the question, “What is it that you dislike / don’t want in your life?” we would most probably start rattling off very long lists of not only what we didn’t like or didn’t want  but also start a thesis on why we didn’t like or want it!

This got me thinking, maybe instead of expecting this miraculous change to happen where it suddenly becomes crystal clear what it is that we really want in life or what brings us joy, we could instead focus on what we *don’t want*!

Wait…what?

Okay, I understand that the Universe gives us what we put out. So if we “put out” all the stuff that we don’t want, then the Universe / Life, which is non judgmental will give us exactly that, as it doesn’t recognize words such as don’t, no, never, can’t and the like. BUT! I had a plan for that!!!

So let me share what we did and hopefully it will help you! 😀

• Take a fresh piece of paper and title it as “Things I don’t want / Things that are not true to me / Things which I am not happy about”; then start listing out all the things that you don’t want in your life, don’t like in your life, don’t like about yourself, don’t want to do (this usually ends up being about our jobs!)

• Once you’re done with the list – it would be interesting to see how many you come up with. I came up with 25 things within 10 minutes…it just FLOWED out! – take another sheet of fresh paper and title it “Things I want in life / Things that are true to me / Things which I am happy about”.

• Now, look at the first list and FLIP what you wrote around! For example:

First list
1. I hate my job
2. I feel so tired all the time
3. I don’t trust myself enough
4. I don’t want to work in an office with a horrid boss who hates me

Second list
1. I love the work that I do! It brings me joy and motivates me everyday, bringing a smile to my face!
2. I feel so energetic all the time! My life is my joy! I find the time to take care of myself everyday and enjoy doing so!
3. I always trust my inner guidance. I trust that I come from a place of Love and Light and that God / Source / Spirit / Life has the best intentions for me, to raise me up to my highest potential!
4. I work in an environment that allows me to thrive, that brings forth my creativity and celebrates my success! I have a boss who inspires me to do my very best and respects my space and my talents. I work with colleagues who encourage me and support me!

• If you have 25 items on your first list, then you will end up with 25 items on your second list…or more! You never know, once you get started flipping them around wonderful ideas might just pop into your head!

• Once you are done, take the first list either outside or to the bathroom sink or kitchen sink.

• Close your eyes and take a deep breath in, slowly letting it out relaxing your body and calming your mind. Take a couple more breaths like those and then say a prayer. It can be short or long, it doesn’t matter. The gist of it will be: That this list represent the things which you are to be free of. That you remove these items from your life. That you are transmuting what is in this list into light and freeing yourself from their bonds.

• Then, burn the list and watch it poof into smoke!

• Once that is done, go back and sit with your second list and say another prayer. This time the points are: That this list represent YOU. These are the things which you have given yourself permission to accept willingly into your life as it suits your highest good. This is who you are!

• Then place the list on your altar or some where special and look over it once in a while…

Here’s the thing, if you do have something that you really like to do, if you have a hobby which brings you joy or if you have an interest in doing something, then use that in your list. If you don’t know and really have hit a road block, then it’s fine, don’t panic about naming something specific. I believe that if we put out our intentions of doing something we love and which brings us joy, then it will present itself to us!

The next step is that if you already had something in mind which you were afraid of doing because of doubts and fears, then I suggest you start with writing out another list called “Action Plan”…write out just two or three steps which you could take towards the direction you want to go, even if it’s to de-clutter your room or schedule an appointment for a massage 🙂

That’s what we both did and though its early days yet, it certainly helped us to get our list of what we want in life and what we wanted to do in an easier way and I hope it helps you too! 🙂